52 Ancestors - Week 6: Favorite Name

Many of my Sullivan aunts had nicknames that made it difficult to remember their real names. Some were easy, like Syl and Monie for Sylvia and Monica. But then there’s Tiny, Toots, Deda, and Bink. These names belonged to Dorothy (who was apparently weighed only 4 pounds when she was born), Mary Catherine, Rita Virginia, and Bernice.

In all the various family names, I don’t know if these nicknames qualify as my favorite names, but they are the most memorable. Deda, Bink and Tiny lived many states away from us and we saw them rarely, so I know them less well. Cousins who grew up around them tell stories about them that sound similar to my experiences with Toots. But Toots was always part of my life and one of the aunts I knew best.

Mary Catherine Sullivan (aka Toots) was born in Le Pas, Manitoba, Canada on February 9, 1919. She was the third child and first daughter of Marie Josephine Bednorz and William Augustine Sullivan. “Arthur” as his wife called him was working for the Finger Lumber Company as a grader and salesman.

Le Pas is a long way from Wisconsin!

She was likely baptized in what is now known as the Charlebois Chapel, the original catholic church of Le Pas.

Charlebois Chapel, Le Pas, Manitoba, Canada

The family lived in Le Pas somewhere between 2 -5 years based on the birth records of her older brothers who were born in Minneapolis in 1915 and 1917 and her younger sister Ann who was born on January 22, 1922 in Oshkosh, WI. William A.'s draft registration card for WWI was signed in Le Pas on September 20, 1918, placing the family in Canada at that time. In her (unpublished) memoir of 1967, Toots notes: “…I was born across from an Indian reservation in Canada – the oldest of eight girls in a row, preceded by two brothers and followed by one more sixteen years later….”

Years later, her sister, Tiny, recorded this story about Toots in her memoir, written in the early 1990s. [Toots speaking]  “Canucks – Lu told me when I was very young that, because I was born in Canada I was a Canuck, adding that Canucks turn into Indians when they grow up.  All I could picture in my mind, Tiny and myself sitting cross-legged, Indian blanket around our shoulders, before a teepee in front of which ran a river. I must have been familiar with Hiawatha. Second grade.

THEN, in the summer I was weeding an aster bed – I can see it yet – lavender, pink, purple, white – and my hands and forearms got brown spots! I was horrified! “I hadn’t grown up yet  and I was already turning into an Indian! And I was in Marshfield, away from anyone else – especially Tiny who by all means ought to be able to console me as she shared my fate.” (Author's Note: Toots was visiting her grandparents, Michael and Catherine Whelan Sullivan at the time. She had been dropped off by her Dad on his way through Marshfield for business.) 

There are few photos of the family when Toots was young. She has this to say about her life at home: “Being one of the oldest of a large family has taught me early in life to share not only material things, but also time, joys, and sorrows. It made me gregarious – I despise having to be along – and it taught me to give in to others even if I were the “big” sister. It made me sensitive to the needs and wants of others.

Toots, center back, 1928

With a mother whose mind was always active and creative, I was never at a loss for something constructive or instructive to do, summer or winter. She liked to make surprises for people and showed us the pleasure to be derived from the thoughtfulness of doing so. She was a meticulous housekeeper and was determined that her girls would take after her.

My father, not a musician himself, always appreciated fine music. He was extremely tidy about himself and was always polishing something, be it a window pane, a watch chain, or a pair of shoes. I have adopted traits from both parents….”

Toots (and all the kids) attended Catholic schools in Oshkosh. As she neared the end of high school, this good Catholic family experienced parents who divorced. It shook Toots’ world. But attending Catholic schools also provided Toots the resilience to deal with the divorce and pointed her toward her adult vocation.

“The depression hit our house during my high school years. A large family doesn’t have exactly an easy time when money for food and clothing is scarce. Mom was an accomplished seamstress and earned a few extra dollars at that, besides making clothes for all of us. Dad, who was a lumber buyer, grader, and salesman, was forced at last to be a WPA foreman. I worked for one dollar a week cleaning, ironing and doing dishes for a young woman who was a hypochondriac. With that, plus babysitting at thirty-five cents a night, I paid for all my high school expenses. This meant I had to choose my recreations wisely; many times it meant coming into a basketball game after the half or just walking with friends who were in the same straits. I found out the hard way the value of money.

I spent twelve years being educated by our sisters. In all that time, I never once was conscious of anyone’s verbally “selling” me religious life. Yet, when I look back, there were two nuns who impressed me more than the others, though I loved and respected all of them. They have influenced many of my attitudes toward life and the values I set for myself. 

Sister Gervase was my teacher for five years. No, I didn’t continually fail the grade; but she was “smart enough” to go with us from 2^nd through 6^th. I remember her as an excellent, enthusiastic teacher; one who taught us art appreciation and color theory; a warm, human person, and a perfect lady at all times. She left a fine imprint on me at an early age. I can see her in the classroom yet.

It was when I was a senior the blow fell—Mom and Dad having had a particularly frustrating and hard time trying to make short ends meet, became impatient and cross with each other and in April of that year, separated, making our family a “broken family”. This was the greatest hurt of my life. I had just turned seventeen and my youngest brother was only six months old. [Author's Note: Gerry has a different take on this divorce, having grown up in the aftermath of the divorce.] The two oldest were out trying to make a “go” of it on their own. Besides the pain I felt for a family growing up without a father in the house, I was particularly saddened because I was exceptionally fond of my father. We had always been buddies, and though deep down I planned on entering the convent shortly, I hated to see him so alone, so without the family.

It was during these dark days as a senior that Sister Antoine became my sounding board. I had to talk to someone – and she listened sympathetically, patiently and often. She never blamed, probed, or scolded – just listened. She had a real feeling for people. I was aware that she enjoyed teaching teenagers. She never lowered herself to their level. She was the first person to whom I mentioned my desire to enter the convent, but that was all the further it went—merely mentioned. She didn’t go into a sales pitch. When my father died in March of 1957, I thought, “if only I could talk to someone who knew him—“. she would have been the one. I was in Victoria; she in Hays—but died there in February almost before I even knew she was ill.... That left me with no one who would understand my sorrow on the loss of my father.

It seems that I had never had the slightest thought of ever being anything but a Sister of St. Agnes. It was my one and only choice, a dream which I barely mentioned to anyone even by insinuation. I didn’t feel I had to share something that was so exclusively mine. It would have taken something away from it I am sure.”

And so Toots entered the Sisters of St. Agnes Community in Fond du Lac in summer of 1936. Upon ordination in 1937, she took the name Sister Augustine in honor of her father. She took her first vows in 1939 and her final vows in 1945. 

Toots and her Mom, Mary Josephine Bednorz Sullivan, 1945

She recounts this story about this journey of faith: “An unusual message came to me in a letter from my Aunt Frances [Bednorz] during the first year after my profession. She wrote to me quite regularly, but this letter was different. She related that when she took me to the little church in LaPas, Manitoba, to be baptized, Father Gee, the pastor, asked where my godfather was. My aunt explained that the family was relatively new in the area and they didn’t feel they knew anyone well enough to make such a request. He asked, ‘What’s the matter with me?’ and proceeded with the baptism. After having signed his name as godfather, he said, “Who knows, some day she may be a nun.” My aunt had deliberately kept this information from me for fear that it would influence my making a free decision.”

The religious life provided Toots undergraduate and graduate degrees in English, Journalism, and Business, all of which Toots taught for many years in the Catholic schools attached to sister houses in Fond du Lac, WI, Yonkers, NY, and Hayes, KS. She truly seemed to understand the minds of children and teen-agers and was always approachable and interested in her nieces and nephews. As a non-Catholic, I watched the efforts of the Catholic church to minister to ordinary folks through the modernization of Toots' habits, conversations about which she had frequently with us and with her siblings.

When habits first showed legs, new types of hose had to be considered.

Unknown date, possibly the 60s. Wimpoles became smaller.

unknown date  Where's the habit? By the end of her life, nuns dressed in street clothes, modestly, of course

She was deeply invested in her nieces and nephews, and always had time to talk to us and, more importantly, listen to us. We loved her to pieces and always enjoyed her visits. We often received little tokens of love, cards and notes at various times of the year. I have kept the cross stitch cards I received from her over the years, appreciating the time and effort she made to communicate with me. I wish I had been more reciprocating of this care and hope she forgave my lack of effort in that area.

Is his possibly at Patty Porter's wedding?

With Eddie and Paula, late 50s? 

1982 with Ann, Mark, Monica

1993 with Pat, Yvonne's Jessica and Nicolle, in Fond du Lac

When she was in Yonkers, and I was living just north in Poughkeepsie, she talked me into driving the community’s station wagon and several of the sisters to Washington, DC for a weekend. A visit? A retreat? I forget now. But I do remember an incident on the way down when we were driving through some construction and I hit a bump a bit fast, causing us to swerve a bit. Eyes straight ahead, focusing on the road, I heard Toots say “Perhaps now would be a good time to take out our rosaries.” Whether or not the prayers of a carful of nuns was responsible, we suffered no further incidents in either direction. That was such a Toots understatement - calm, to the point, and kind.

Toots was likewise close to her siblings, visiting them in summers whenever possible.

date unknown, Toots with her sister, Ann, niece ?JoAnn? , sisters Monie and ?Sylvia? , her Mom, Marie and sister, Pat

1985 no clue what's going on here - seems to be a slumber party

1988, with Bink on her 62nd birthday, when Toots was turning 69.

1985, ?California? ?Arizona? with Mel and Pat (Sullivan) Hanson, Ann, Sylvia and Toots

Retirement afforded Toots lots of time to visit her family across the country. And she was always able to come to family events for those of us who lived near Fond du Lac where she was living.  Toots, along with her sister-in-law, Winona Hamlin Sullivan, researched the Sullivan and Bednorz families to pass that information on to the next generation. We are so lucky she had the interest and foresight to write this all down. Did they somehow know that some of their children would carry on the research? We owe them thanks for their trips to countless courthouses, cemeteries, and  

1976, Toots, Ann, Pat on the way to Carl Hanson wedding (McDonald Street house, Appleton, WI)

1972 Dale and Yvonne Hanson with Grandma and Aunt Toots, when all the family was home to move Grandma to her apartment (Hanson home on McDonald St, Appleton WI)

with Eddie 1972 (I think this was maybe in Grandma's new apartment?)

The photos we have of these siblings in retirement are full of joy and joking. Travel, talk, card-playing and food were among the many enjoyments of spending time together.

I think this is Syl, Toots, Bink and Ann, date unknown

Toots died on April 20, 1999, aged 80 years, at St. Francis Home in Fond du Lac, WI. But her gentle ways, keen sense of humor, and great kindness live on in the memories of those who knew and loved her. I hope I have absorbed and now model her love and charity as well as her exuberance for life. 

1999

I don’t know if Toots qualifies as my favorite name, but she does qualify as a favorite aunt. And if I have spelling or grammar errors, I hope Toots will forgive them, although she would have corrected them, for sure.

(Updated 2/3/2018 to correct some spelling and grammar errors and clarify some points. Maybe Toots was talking to me in my sleep last night.)